dressing in response to sexual harassment: taking back your look

When you wake up in the morning and get dressed, there are a few thoughts and questions that run through your head.  What's the weather like now?  What's it going to be like later? What looks good on me?  However recently, I've been increasingly asking myself questions of the safeguarding variety: Will I get cat-called in this?  Are old men on the subway going to stare at me if I wear this?  Do I really feel like dealing with this utter bullshit today?

The latter set of questions should most certainly never have to cross anyone's mind, but in reality, this is something most women have to think about on a day-to-day basis.  I started to notice that I was repeating these questions after I graduated high school.  Granted, that's not to say that it never crossed my mind, but the environment was totally different.  Instead of being surrounded by the same group of people around my age that I had known for years, I was now flung into the real world with people of all different ages and backgrounds.  College has similar standards, but the element of unfamiliarity amongst strangers is still there.  Thus, creating an uncomfortable atmosphere that is more susceptible to welcome unwanted comments and approaches.  

Source: Juana Medina

For awhile, I thought it was weird of me to think this way.  That is, until I had a conversation amongst my coworkers one day at work.  During the summer months, I work at a boutique at the local mall.  It's literally a four minute drive from my house, and I am in there nearly every day around that time of year.  I've lived in the same neighborhood for nearly all of my life, and I have walked through the front door to the mall to get work, go shopping, or just meet up with some friends countless times.  It's pretty safe to say that its usually a comfortable spot for me to go in and out of on a day-to-day basis.  But over time as I came into work each day, I kept taking mental notes about what was happening around me.  There's usually a bunch of older men that sit around at two or three tables that are pushed together, and they sit there for HOURS.  Talking, eating, but also staring.  Occasionally, depending on who you're with or what you're wearing, they'll make comments directly to you or they will just stare at you, looking you up and down without a care.  It's not just older men that do this.  Younger guys in their twenties, men who are sitting with their wives and children, there really isn't an age barrier when it comes to this kind of thing.  At work, the conversation between my co-workers and I consisted of sharing our thoughts and experiences regarding the process that we deal with when doing something as simple as deciding what to wear to work.  "Do I really feel like getting harassed in the food court today?  Should I walk through a different entrance today?"  I was unsurprised to learn that I wasn't the only one who feels that way.

Source: SOS Safety Magazine

It's hard to describe just how disgusting you feel inside when you're cat-called or stared at like this, but it really just makes you feel inhuman in a way.  I feel personally feel dirty, their actions physically make me repulsed in my own skin.  Then there's those brief thoughts and moments of action that you debate acting upon, but don't always do.  Later, you beat yourself up about it because you think of a brilliant comeback that you could have said.  But why didn't you say it?  You were afraid.  Afraid of what could have happened as a result.  Of course, nothing could have happened, but also the worst could have happened.  There's not really a way to guess which beforehand, and you eat your words and prioritize your safety.  It's happened on one too many occasions not only to me, but to women everywhere.

Being subjected to that kind of unwanted attention is almost impossible to avoid.  Sure, there are things you can do to try to minimize it, but it's always going to happen if you're a female.  Especially a 20 year old woman.  There is something profoundly wrong with the fact that women are constantly objectified in such a way that the thought of altering their appearance in order to avoid sexual harassment is something that even occurs to them.  This is a critical element of the patriarchy that very much impacts our society.  Women should be able to wake up in the morning, put on whatever the hell they want to wear, and walk out the door feeling confident as ever, without the burden of worrying if they're going to be sexually harassed in public.

I encourage women to continue to speak up and be unafraid. However, more of the work seems to fall on women when it comes to fixing a problem like this, when it shouldn't. Men need to step up and realize that this is an internal problem that they need to take accountability for. It is not up to women to babysit you or guide you through it. Ask, listen, and take action when you see grotesque instances like these occurring. Then and only then will women be able to take back their look, put that outfit on, and feel comfortable in their own skin.

Source: Vogue